I Expected Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. I Got a Sun-dappled Monk Handing Me Happiness Instead.

Tinto Amorio "Monje" 2023

Stepdad Collages, 2025

Tinto Amorio “Monje”
Varieties: French Colombard, Gewürztraminer, Zinfandel, Albariño¹
Region: California (see footnote)
Year: 2023
Price: $35
Available from Tinto Amorio

I needed to be happy today.
Yes, of course I wanted to be—
I always want to be—
but today, I needed it.

I knew it before going to bed last night, after spending two days curled up on my couch with cramps, lorded over by the looming doom of my dwindling savings I’ve been living off of, all under an inconsequentially grey sky: not dark enough to be moody, not light enough to be motivating. It's easy, on days like this, for a mind that’s been at war with severe depression since elementary school to want to submit to its most seductive desire: to give up. Which is the one thing I absolutely have not, will not, cannot do.

I stayed up until 4AM looking through Ed Ruscha books and vintage Chanel runway shows for inspiration. I tried collaging with a new batch of Sunset Magazines. I plastered Post-Its screaming ab…