A Younger Lover With Lots of Potential

Lapierre Morgon 2023

M. & C. Lapierre Morgon
Varietal: Gamay
Region: Beaujolais, France
Year: 2023
Price: ~$45
Importer: Kermit Lynch

I haven’t been single in sixteen years. Not since I was 22, living in Echo Park with three jobs, fawning over fuckboy band dudes I’d text on my busted Blackberry missing its trackball. To say there has been a learning curve while trying to navigate the modern dating landscape would be an understatement.

I joined my first dating app in October, a fancy-ass one I accidentally paid a shit ton to for a premium membership when I don’t have enough lips, tits or filtered photos for the audience to ever make the money well spent. I’ve been attacked multiple times by love-bombers. I have zero game; I’m too bold and too blunt for most people in general, let alone strangers in text boxes, and I blame it on my Venus in Aries. Unfortunately I can’t blame the stars for failed “sexy” FaceTimes, for half-baked/half-drunk jokes on WhatsApp that never land, for freaking out my dates at basketball …