Apparently I’m Not Qualified to Write About Bobcats

A rejection from the “People Department” at the zoo left me questioning humanity... and then I responded

I didn’t get the job at the zoo, as it was coldly communicated to me over an email that thanked me for my time, reminded me I don’t have a college degree when other actually qualified people do, and signed off with this:

Regards,
People Department

I repeated it under my breath numerous times, like I was practicing the Meisner technique with myself, trying to get to the truth.

People department?
People… department?
People… department. [shruggingly nods]

Well. Yeah. That makes sense.
It’s a zoo. While “Mammals” could be an overarching department, I can’t imagine camels and cougars have the same managers, considering wildlife biologists separate even-toed hoofed mammals from odd-toed ones (artiodactyla and perissodactyla, respectively).

Factor in fish and invertebrates and… look, all I’m saying is, there have to be different departments. Or at least like a “carnivore committee,” some sort of “beak branch”, probably a “reptile relations”— I don’t know! I didn’t get the job at the zoo!

But if I had…